


Salted Peanut Gallery

by unicornsandbutane



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Bad Puns, Bromance, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 20:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3303104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unicornsandbutane/pseuds/unicornsandbutane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Demo and Scout have a bit of bro time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Salted Peanut Gallery

Third night this week that’d gone this way, and Tavish DeGroot was well sick of it. The Scout sat on the Demoman’s desk, kicking his feet against the drawers with no regard to whatever kinds of volatile compounds might be stored therein, generally making a nuissance of himself. 

"I’m not givin’ yeh any more liquor, boyo."

"I don’ care," the Scout claimed, shrugging. His kicking thudded bada-bump bada-bump against the oak. The Demo scrubbed a hand over his face. 

"I’m tryin’ t’work," he griped.

"S’cool, I’ll just watch."

"No, yeh won’t. You’ll start askin’ questions, an’ pesterin’ me, and it don’t do a bit o’ good to get frustrated, if yer workin’ wi’ potassium nitrate." 

"I won’t get frustrated," the Scout insisted.

"Not  _you_ , ya cotton-headed  _nit!_   _Me!_ ”

"You’ll get frustrated?"

"Yes!"

"In that case maybe don’t work with potat-ium or whatever. If it frustrates you."

"Po-TASS-ium, not po-TAY-tium! Saltpetre! What d’yeh think this is, Home Economics?" 

"Nah. But a baked potato sounds pretty good right about now. You got all kinds’a salt but no chips or fries or nothin’?"  
    
“They ain’t tha’ kinda salts you great bloody half-wit!” the Demo cried, flailing. “I’m a  _Demoman_ , not a fry cook!”

"Say, if you fire these salts from a gun, does that make  _a-salt rifles_?”

"What?!"

"If you put ‘em on a fried fish does that make it  _a-salt and battery?_ ”

"Now just you hold on there—"

"Okay, how ‘bout an IED using a timer?"

“ _What?!_ ”

"I guess kicking against this desk makes me a salt shaker!"

"If yeh don’ knock it off I’ll blast yeh into next June!"

"Oh, then you’ll be doin’  _summer salts!_ ”

"I’ll knock you a roofin’, I will!"

"Would that be  _aero-salt_?”  
   
“What in the name of Duncan’s Ghost are yeh talkin’ aboot, boyo?!”

"Hahaha, ‘aboot’!" the Scout answered.

"Tha’ss  _it!_  Tha’ tears it! C’mere yeh ragged wee li’l mongrel!” The Demoman’s chair clattered over when he stood, hands outstretched, but the Scout stayed put, practically rolling with laughter.

"Aw man, the look on your face!" Even as the Demolitions Expert grabbed him by the shirt and shook him, the Scout continued to cackle. "C’mon, I’m just messin’ with ya. I took high school chemistry. I know what potassium is." 

The Demoman paused, looked the Scout up and down. His face split into a grin. 

“‘Summer salts’. Tha’ss pretty good.”

The Scout smirked back. “What  _is_  in these drawers, anyway?”

"Well, that top one is mostly picrates, right now, an’ the lower one only has a big ol’ jar of sodium hydroxide in it."

"Huh. Better not tell Solly about that."

"Why not?"

“‘Cuz the  _base_  is under  _a salt!_ ”

"Now yer pushin’ it, lad," Demo said, but there was a smile in his eye. 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was going to be a thing in which Scout annoyed the fuck out of Demo until in a desperate attempt to get rid of the brash Bostonian, Demo claims to want to have a wank, and the Scout is like, “can I watch?” and porn ensues, but it became puns and bro time. IDK. Still if it WAS porn Scout’d be petting a Peter worth his salt! Okay. That one’s a bit of a stretch, but I had to get one more potassium nitrate (saltpeter) joke in there.


End file.
